How to deal with family members that treat you badly

Question

Assalamu alaykum, Brother, thanks for the reply, finally. I still have a question, you said that keeping ties should be done based on the customs of your country and that if sending a weekly email while living in the same home is not a custom of the country, it is still considered cutting ties:

http://www.islamweb.net/emainpage/index.php?page=showfatwa&Option=FatwaId&Id=359431

Where in the sunnah does it say that deeds should be done based on the customs of the country?

In my heart, I feel that it is wrong, but I tried to fix the issue a lot. I bought one of my sisters a cheap perfume that I could afford and made her a basic card with a pen and gave her a book about Islam which I got for free and a basic card that I printed for free. I am an adult, but my income is low; in addition, she does not deserve more than this.

You said that I did not mention why I hate them and cut them off the ties with them: the reason is that they are bad, meaning that they are not nice to me. They do not care about me, they are sneaky and careless. They do not really care about what I went through with cancer. When I got sick, my sister took the situation and let her hair grow long because my mom was too busy. One sister is worse than the other, and she is the younger one. She is careless; and the other is only there when you do not need money – she is a fake friend. I really do not think that I can go back to talk to them, because I hate them very much. It is not about religion although the younger one. I know that a hadith says: whoever falls into unclear matters falls into haram, but I really cannot fix the issue – I hate them, and sending a weekly email was a push for me even. The reason I ask is because I keep being attacked by jinn while sleeping, and I am afraid that Allah has cut me off, meaning that He might not be protecting me because of this issue with these sisters because I supplicated Allah a lot to protect me from attacks of the jinn, and I say all the thikr (expressions of remembrance of Allah) and read Quran, and it still happens. Please reply directly and do not refer to an old question. May Allah reward you.

Answer

Assalamu alaykum

Adding to the previous answers, it seems that you are going through difficult times, and you should seek strength from Allah to overcome these difficulties. Allah created us in this life with all kinds of struggle. Allah says in the Quran (what means): {And we made some of you as trial for others – will you have patience? And ever is your Lord Seeing.} [Quran 25:20]

If your family is bad to you, just be patient and be good to them for the sake of Allah. Therefore, do not seek their pleasure; you are just obeying Allah, the Most High. It is a level of faith that a Muslim attains when submitting oneself to the orders of Allah. Your duty in Islam is to have strong ties with them regardless of whether they are nice to you or not because it is an individual responsibility and accountability before Allah on the Day of Resurrection.

There are references in the Quran and Sunnah to the customs of the people, which is called ‘urf, including the derivative term ma‘roof.

Increase your faith by making yourself busy with matters of obedience to Allah, and you will see how this life is of no value compared to the Hereafter. Therefore, anything that makes you sad in this life is not worth it, because it will go away and you have to leave it one day. But when the matter is related to the Hereafter, it is different. It is the everlasting life, towards which we have to direct our concern and energy in order to obtain (the good in) it.

Here are some words from Shaykh-ul-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah, may Allah have mercy on him, which help to face the bad manners of your family:

1- Allah is the Creator of all things, including what your family is doing to you, so do not be trapped in judging their actions, as they are nothing but a tool that is being used to test you.

2- Focus on your sins, and that is the way to have the sins forgiven, so repent a lot and ask Allah for forgiveness.

3- Remember the great reward waiting for you if you pardon and have patience.

4- When you pardon and forgive, your heart will be more sound and pure, and that will give you tranquility in this life.

5- Anyone who seeks revenge for his own benefit is never happy; rather, it increases his humiliation.

6- Life is precious, and to waste the time feeling this way is a big loss. So busy yourself with worship of Allah and doing good deeds.

7- Allah is with you as long as you are patient.

8- Your patience is a way to suppress your own ego and pride for the sake of Allah.

9- If you become extremely kind to them for the sake of Allah, maybe they will change, and if they do not change, then at least you are doing what Allah ordered you to do.

10- If you get used to treating them badly, like they are treating you, you will fall into sin.

May Allah make it easy for you.

2017-11-07T22:35:11+00:00 November 7th, 2017|Beliefs, Islam, Society|